You are the Father: Why Being a Parent is Not a Choice but a Call for Everyone by Lawrence E. Adjah

By: Lawrence E. Adjah, MBA, M.Ed, M.Div

Founder & Chairman, Family Dinner Foundation

Author of The 100 Marriage: Decisions + Declarations You Need to Make Before Getting Married

You can be a parent without being a parent. And you may already be a parent without even realizing you're a parent.


The latter may flash you back to an episode of Maury (Povich), but fortunately, I'm only inviting you back to a separate but equally relevant episode of my life.


Over a decade ago, my friend and business school classmate Ari and I would catch up through periodic walks through the "Stanford Bowl," and he would always mention just speaking with his nephews. He would mention it so often that at some point I simply had to ask, "How often do you speak to them, like every day?" to which he responded, "Yes, I call them every day." To say I was impressed would be an understatement. "Wow... that's powerful.” It took me aback and, to be honest, I was kind of humbled it did. Now, it's not like they didn't have parents, but it struck me how intentional he was with making the calls to the extent that I started to re-evaluate my role and responsibilities towards all of the children in my life, as an adult.


I've dreamed of being a father my entire life. My dad made it easy for me to dream because my childhood and adult life with him as my father has been one. He is my best man (nod to Earnie Johnson) and was my first "best friend" (in my head, not his!) in life. He also generously extended this fatherly love to countless young people; cousins, friends, and young adults he serendipitously encountered through life. He learned it from his mother, who welcomed many children who were sent to her home in their village in Nigeria, even though they were not her own. In short, to be my father’s son is a survivor’s guilt experience of grace in a fallen world where far too many people have uniquely challenging dynamics with their fathers. Thus, considering the ability to be for my sons and/or daughters what my father was and is for me, is truly heaven touching earth.

I also relished the nascent moniker of being "Uncle Lawrence" to many of my close friends' children, still up until that point I never really saw my heart towards children as being connected to my heart as a father.


But one day a few years ago it hit me: "How can you desire fatherhood, yet, not take more seriously (dishonor) the present opportunities God is giving you to influence and care for children around you? What does it say about your heart?" At that time, it said that I was selfish and self-consumed, that I didn't see how sacred of an opportunity I currently had not only with my nephews but with all children. It’s as though I had no right to ask God to eventually expand my territory of parental care if I didn’t recognize and appreciate the opportunities for parental care right in front of me.


It challenged me in a way that it spurred on a longstanding weekly conversation (Sunday at 6) with my nephews which I cherish and keep to this day. By the grace of God, He's added godchildren (Sebastian and Camille!) and a niece (Yasmeen), still, by the grace of God, He's patiently given me time to develop a rhythm with them. I'm not even remotely close to where I want to be, but that conversation with Ari, then myself, and then with God, gives me a picture of where I definitely need to be.


But that's me, how about for you? Do you want to be a parent or do you simply want to birth, raise, and take care of your own children?

Those are two separate things.


I believe God prepares us for parenthood through our servanthood and care for children throughout our adulthood.

Because in the Kingdom of God, parenthood has always been a communal responsibility. If you did not have a father or mother (sister or brother), you could (and should) always find them amongst God’s people. But the question for you and I today is, are those people, are you and I, looking to be found?


It is written, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Have we become polluted by the belief that the only children that matter in the world are our own?


Have we become polluted by the belief that the only children that need parents in the world are our own?


Have we become polluted by the belief that the only children that we can be parents to in the world are our own?

We can be so consumed by our own seemingly good desires that we are blinded by those exclusively God desires.

In the 4th century, it was the church who founded orphanages. It was the church who fought against the abandonment of children. It was the church who not only took in, but also built whole institutions to care for children who did not have parents.

It was the church because it was our Father who desired and did it first.

It is not lost on me that none of us are even our heavenly Father's children by blood. We are only our heavenly Father's children, by the blood, of Christ.

As the world wrestles with complex issues around parenthood, it is important for us to not lose sight of the universal, present and urgent call to parenthood for us all that is in plain sight. 



Because you can be a parent without being a parent. And you may already be a parent without even realizing you're a parent.



Scripture describes God as being a Father to the fatherless, which means He is a parent to those who were not biologically His own, which means He is a parent to those who need one.

May we be compelled to be about our Father’s business, even when the world tells us to only be concerned about our own.

Lawrence E. Adjah, MBA, M.Ed, M.Div., founded and lead one of the largest movements addressing the issue of loneliness in the digital age, through dinner and mutual care groups. He understands the power of relationships that transcend blood, personally and in his life's work. 

About Author:

Lawrence E. Adjah, MBA, M.Ed, M.Div., is an accomplished leader, best-selling author, and social entrepreneur dedicated to helping individuals and communities establish and strengthen their relationships with God, with other people (family, friends, neighbors) and themselves (mind & body). Known for addressing the issue of loneliness in the digital age, he founded the Family Dinner Foundation. Its key initiative, Our Family Dinner, reached nearly 50,000 young adults in 40 cities worldwide, fostering lifelong relationships through shared meals.

Adjah's work has been featured in Ebony, Black Enterprise, Essence, The Chicago & Miami Tribunes, and other nationally syndicated outlets. He also addresses mental health and wellness as a host and panelist for the Just Heal, Bro global tour. He authored the best-selling "The 100 Marriage: Decisions & Declarations You Need to Make Before Getting Married," offering guidance towards a prepared, lifelong marriage. Additionally, he narrated the audio version of the bible: "Lawrence E. Adjah Reads the Bible: New International Version (NIV)" (Watch God Work™ Publishers - 2024).

A licensed and ordained Minister, certified marriage counselor, and chaplain, Adjah provides gospel-based counseling, spiritual direction, chaplaincy, and life coaching to professionals and organizations.

Beginning his career at McKinsey & Company after being an All-American track & field athlete, Adjah holds a B.A. from Harvard, an MBA from Stanford's Graduate School of Business, an M.Ed from The University of Texas at Austin with distinction, and a M.Div from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, receiving the Preaching Award and the John D. Tate award.

Lawrence serves as President Emeritus of the Board of Directors for The Harvard Black Alumni Society (HBAS). Lawrence also serves on the Board of Directors for the Urbanworld Film Festival and formerly served on the national Board of New City Kids.

Posted on June 16, 2024 by Lawrence Adjah.